PART FOUR:  WE’RE DOCILE PUPPIES

Valentine’s Day, Easter, Birthdays, Halloween, Christmas, Weddings, Mother’s Day, blah – blah – blah

What do these ‘days’ all have in common?  They are days that all come with very strict orders – OBEY, BUY, FOLLOW THE CROWD.  And if you don’t do this you’re a loser, hum bug, Scrooge, bad lover, bad family member, bad friend, bad christian, bad son/daughter, blah, blah, blah.

I don’t follow orders blindly.  I question, EVERYTHING.  I don’t follow the crowd.  In fact, I usually go out of my way not to follow the crowd, but I’m different.  I’m not better but I do see the whole picture for what it is – most of us are trained, much like PAVLOV’S DOGS WERE TRAINED.

When you walk into a store on November 1 and hear Christmas music, even if you hate Christmas, you are trained/expected to come to grips with this, get past this and do what you’re expected to do:  buy things you don’t want to buy for people you don’t want to buy for.

“But I have kids, I must have Christmas”.  Really?

“It’s Mother’s day – if I don’t send her a card and flowers she’ll think I’m a douchebag.”  Really?  The fact you haven’t called her in a month, that’s what makes you a douchebag.

“It’s Valentine’s Day, if I don’t take him/her out, he/she is NOT going to be happy.”  Really?  Have you been a good mate the last 364 days of the year?  Have you really?  If you HAVE to buy stuff just to make him/her happy on Valentines’s Day (or any ‘day’ for that matter), you don’t want them in your life.

It’s not the gifts you get on your birthday, or Christmas, or Valentine’s Day, or whatever that matter.  The gifts that matter are received on days that don’t dictate BUY OR ELSE.

THE FIX:  Don’t follow the crowd – just try this for one of these ‘days’ and see what happens.  You may go through some discomfort, but I promise you the freedom you’ll experience will be the true gift you’ll receive.

Bonus Fix for your birthday (I can’t take credit for this one, but it’s brilliant):  For your birthday, kindly tell folks that you don’t want presents.  Your mother will probably call you on ‘your day’.  When she does this, thank her.  Thank her for giving birth to you and for all that she’s done.  Tell her to go check her mailbox or front door.  She’ll go do this and find a gift for HER, from you, that says thanks.  Make this gift happen and you’ll never forget ‘your day’ ever again.  That’s thinking different and different is good sometimes.

Most folks have at least one of these, let’s call them issues.  Let’s take fear for example.  We all fear something or several things.  I was struggling to find a way to fully understand fear, when I came across this video.  It startled me in how straight forward yet thought-provoking the message was.  It really got me thinking about how most of us fear things that MAY happen.  This may not be rational or sane behavior, but it is very common.  Watch the clip and then see if you can relate what he’s saying to yourself/your life.  If you can, you may never quite fear the same way again.

Clip is courtesy of theiofgod YouTube Channel.

My first week of purging has taught me one thing – I have more stuff that I want to get rid of/that I don’t use then I want to keep/that I use.

This is ridiculous when you think of it.  My apartment, my stuff, my lifestyle is overweight.

People love to lose weight.  They love to watch themselves look better.

People don’t like to give up their stuff though.  People feel this attachment to useless items that they’ll never use.  Maybe it’s a security thing or maybe they really think that ‘one day’ they might need to read their tax forms from 1999.

I am, by no stretch, a person who buys things.  I buy what I need, and even then, maybe not as much as I should (in some cases).

I don’t have alot of stuff compared to most people, but I use a small fraction of what I have – and that bothers me.

Stuff like books I’ve read / cds I don’t use anymore due to my ipod / stuff given to me as presents that I’ll never use.  These are not crap, but if I’m not using them, then aren’t they just in the way?

As the weeks go by, I can see myself becoming more and more ruthless.  I won’t end up as that guy with no pictures on the walls and no furniture, but I understand that guy.  I think that is what scares me a bit.

Connor, the old man, is one his way up to meet his son for lunch.  Max, the executive, is on his way back to work after a meeting.

Both men – couldn’t be more different.  Both men would become friends before this story is through.  This story takes place in an elevator.

The story is able to take place in an elevator because this is where everything stopped that day.  To be more precise, between the 23rd and 24th floor – that’s where everything stopped, including the elevator.

Both men were surprised to say the least.

Max was a typical late twenties guy – he’d made it this far due to his families’ connections and his natural charm.  Connor was an ex-cop and had seen more than he’d liked in his lifetime.

As the seconds turned to minutes, Max became more and more concerned.  Connor – on the other hand, didn’t seem frazzled at all.

Max was now late for a meeting and was madly texting on his Blackberry about his situation.  Connor – stood still, as if waiting for something.

10 minutes went by and Max was getting frustrated – it wasn’t like him to wait.

Building maintenance was aware what was going on but felt it would be a while till they solved the problem.

Max, now pacing the width of the elevator, stopped when he heard Connor speak.

“Look at you.  Look at you and your life” Connor said.

20 minutes went by and Max was now sitting on the floor.  Connor was telling Max about his grandchildren and how proud he was of them.

Max said nothing.

Connor went on to tell about how he’d met the love of his life and how great it was.

30 mins had gone by and Max was now caught up in Connor’s story.

Connor had been a beat cop and had been shot in the line of duty.  He was brought to the hospital but might as well have been brought to heaven, because there she was – waiting.  She was beautiful, and had a bad temper, with fiery red hair and a gentle smile. She was, Carol.

Connor’s life had not been all fun and games, in fact it had been very painful.  However, he never regretted the day he got shot – that was the day he became complete – the day he met Carol.

42 minutes had now gone by and Max was sobbing.  He was sitting on the elevator floor and looking at Connor.  For the fist time in his life, he felt like a loser – like someone who didn’t have it figured out.

Connor told him to relax and to realize that trying to figure out – this – life – was next to impossible.

“Just be, and if you’re lucky you’ll meet who you’re supposed to meet, I know I did.”

4 minutes later – a full 46 mins since they’d been stuck in the elevator, something happened – they began to move.  The doors opened and the paramedics were there.  All was fine except Max’s shirt was a little soiled – no biggie.

As Max and Connor went their separate ways, Connor said “Don’t be down – if you’re lucky like me, you’ll find who you’re meant to – you’ll find your happiness, your answer, your Carol”

Max said, “I hope so Connor, I hope so – I hope I’m as lucky as you.”

Connor wished Max well as the paramedics wheeled Connor out of the elevator,  in his wheelchair, the wheelchair Connor had been in since the day he’d been shot.  It was OK though – that was the same day he’d found his reason – his Carol.

“He was on his own.  He was pushed out of his comfort zone and found himself falling.  He knew what to do, but could he do it?  He had seen others do it in the past but never appreciated the magnitude of what had to be done till he found himself in mid-air.

He didn’t make a noise.  He didn’t scream.  He was a little scared, but he felt … freedom.  He began to feel somewhat in control.

He began to feel himself coast and then begin to take  flight.  Was he doing it?  Yes, he was flying.

Mama bird looked on with pride and happiness.  She knew he had just passed the test.”

Chip put down the book, took a breath and steadied himself.  It was time …

In the spirit of my recent move towards minimalism, I’ve decided that I need to cut back on my emotional baggage as well as many of my possessions that are no longer useful to me.

Much like possessions, emotional baggage weighs you down in life and can keep you from moving through life as quickly as you’d like.

I’ve decided to just keep my emotional baggage to a minimum – a small carry-on case.  That should be enough.  I think this is realistic in that I am human, and we all have some baggage, but it’s not to the point where I need to sit on it to fit it into an extra-large suitcase.

You’re only as free as you make yourself.

Do you ever do it so often that you can’t imagine/don’t feel comfortable making a decision on your own?

Asking for advice, now and then, is OK.  If you do it to the extent that it becomes second nature, that’s not good.

If you are someone who’s guilty of doing this too much, ask yourself this question:  the person you tend to go to for advice, do they go to other people for advice as well?  I’ll bet you they don’t.

Being foolish when you could have checked with someone is not always a good idea.

Relying on others to guide you a bit too much and sometimes do your thinking for you is just as foolish.

Making mistakes is human.  Learning from them is also human.  Relying on others to make your decisions for you is dangerous and weak.

Like lifting weights, making decisions takes strength.  The more you do it, the more you’re able to do it.

If you doubt yourself, that’s OK.  Choose a small choice that needs to be made and make it yourself and go from there.

We all need people to lean on now and then.  Just don’t lean on folks too often, or you’ll eventually find you don’t have the strength to stand on your own two feet.

For some, lying is commonplace in business.  However, even for those honest folks out there in the business world, there are times when you’re not able to be forthright or upfront with people.  When you reach a certain level in business, you usually know more than others and can’t always tell them.  As well, if you’re in a position of power you constantly have to be careful what you say to your subordinates.

As a teacher, you constantly have to hold your tongue and watch what you say so as to not hurt little Jimmy’s feelings.

As a parent, you can’t always be as blunt as you’d like to be with your kids.  When little Sally comes home with a painting and you can’t tell if she’s painted a tiger or a building, that’s no time to be brutally honest when she asks if you like it.

Can you imagine if people didn’t lie period?  I suppose it would be very refreshing – like jumping into a freezing lake in the early spring.

Maybe we’ll never get to the point where we won’t lie but there is one thing we all can do, be as sincere as we can.

Possible Examples:

1.  Don’t ask when not interested:  No more “Hey, how’s it going today?” as you pass in the hall.  No more “Good weekend?” as you ride up the elevator.  If you’re really not interested, don’t ask.  This does not mean you shouldn’t be polite – just don’t be fake.

2.  Don’t feel obliged to ‘friend’:  Don’t ‘friend’ people on FB you don’t want to.  Ever felt you HAD to say yes to a friend request on FB?  I have – did I friend them?  No.  Was it a little uncomfortable?  Yes.  Was it worth it?  Yes.

3.  Be honest:  When asked, give your honest opinion.  People don’t ask others for their opinion that often.  When someone does ask you, be honest – they’ll probably respect you for it.  No one likes a kiss ass or faker.

“The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Every day, we either move forward or backward.  Each day, we either move up a rung, move one step closer, or  we slip, stagnate and begin to rot.

We are constantly changing for better or worse.  I’d like to think we’re changing for the better.

So, the next time someone asks you, “What’s new?” and you say “Not much …” realize that you are lying, mostly to yourself.

Don’t be afraid – it’s not like you have a choice – make the best of it and life may make the best of you.

“Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change – this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.”  - Bruce Barton

For years I’ve been the type to not buy what I don’t need, but I’m now ready to go to the next level.

I’m ready to become a minimalist.

Over the next several weeks, I’ll be purging things I don’t use/need from my apartment and my life.

Nothing drastic – but if I haven’t used an item within the last year – it’s going to go.

Each Sunday, for the next few weeks, my daily blog post will center on what I’ve learned from the previous week’s purge.

Let it begin!

“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” - Socrates